Answers To Common Pregnancy and Child-Rearing Questions...

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?


A: NO! 35 children are enough.


Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?


A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.


Q: What's the most reliable method to determine my baby's sex?


A: Childbirth.


Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's irrational.


A: So, what's your question?


Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?


A: Yes, in the same way a tornado might be called an air current.


Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?


A: Right after you find out you are pregnant.


Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room with my wife while she is in labor?


A: Not unless the word 'alimony' means anything to you.


Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?


A: Pregnancy.


Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?


A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.


Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?


A: When the kids are in college.